Not to be here

Any minute now, I could fall apart

I want to fix me, but where do I start

I would close my eyes and disappear

For a moment I wish not to be here

I know the easy way out is to quit

I need help, but afraid to ask for it

I grieve for the things I never was

Never gave myself an applause

Not even sure I knew what I sought

Most of the time I feel like a fraught

I'm just honest, spilling truth a bit

I doubt I can come to terms with it